Love without words? How to preserve the thrill

Image: © Lev Dolgatsjov / Fotolia

The joint life of the man and woman is in itself a challenge. Actually, they both strive for happiness, but do not always succeed. Why? Psychologist Friederike von Tiedemann spoke before DW about the most common misconceptions.


The harmony is not everything

“We will live like doves without disputes and conflicts!” At the beginning of a relationship such oaths sound great, but with the passage of time more and more important becomes the mutual sincerity. This means that each partner shares his needs and defends his own principles. “The couple needs strategies to achieve mutual compromises that do strengthen the love,” says von Tiedemann.


Accept the other for who he is

“I love you the way you are, including your chaotic and bad moods.” You are familiar with this phrase that caresses the ear of the lovers, right? Later, things imperceptibly change, appears intolerance, and the object of the phrase eventually explodes by saying: “This is my nature, you will have to deal with it!”


According to the psychologists, however, the other can not be expected just to put up, because this puts the relationship of tremendous ordeal. To survive for longer the love with your partner, you yourself need to save it of your own moods and states. You should not let out your bad mood on your partner. Try to let off the steam elsewhere.


Love without words?

It is an illusion that there is such. On the contrary! Love needs a lot of words. “Naive and childish is the idea that your partner always understands without words,” says Friederike von Tiedemann and advises to devote the necessary time to the partner and to share with him your thoughts and excitement. Not the daily responsibilities and obligations but the exchange of thoughts about the small things in life and the emotions of the other can bond the partnership and strengthen the feelings.


Everything together?

Common hobbies, common friends, common interests “Whoever shares everything risks losing his attractive force” is the opinion of the German psychologist: “The new impressions maintain the partnership. It is therefore important that everyone goes their own way, without the partner knowing all the details. This brings tension and keeps the thrill in a relationship. ”


Love yourself in order and the other to love you

“To be able to commit yourself to another person, you should at least partly be at peace with yourself,” recommends the psychologist. Otherwise there is a risk of dissatisfaction with your own personality which to project to the relationship. The other extreme, however, also hides its dangers. The egomania threatens the interconnection and the sense of belonging. The own needs should not overshadow the partner because this has a devastating effect.


The secrets poison the love?

Many couples consider for particularly romantic the phrase: “We have no secrets from one another.” But the small secrets actually are even useful for the love. “If your partner flirts in the train without this to have any meaning for her, why to share the experience? This would only lead to unnecessary uncertainty, “says von Tiedemann. The little secrets are healthy and for the own personality. They give a sense of independence and autonomy – in a positive sense. Conclusion: The small secrets protect the love.


Every day sex?

Many statistics on the subject of sex make us worry whether we are quite normal if we do not indulge in sensuality at least several times a week. But also in the love life there are pauses. “This is totally in the course of things. Ultimately the love is not measured by the frequency of sex, “says the German expert. Normal anyway is just what we like. A nice conversation with lighted candles is sometimes much more intimate than sex on duty. And when a person is able to enjoy such moments, the hot physical love is not far away.


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