Stages in a marriage

Image:© Yuri Arcurs/ Fotolia

The marriage is a very important step in every person’s life. This is why it is filled with various positive and at the same time negative emotions.

Marriage may be understood better if seen as a series of stages through which the couples pass during their mutual residence. These seven stages are interrelated even though each one is different in its own way and separated by others.

With this description of the phases, we hope to explain to you why these things happen in your relationship and gain a clearer view of their future possible development.

The honeymoon phase

The commonly recognized as romantic, tender and idealistic honeymoon phase comes right after the marriage and continues for several months to a year or two. Practically speaking, in ancient Israel men were not recruited for mandatory military service during the first year of their marriage i order to have time to settle their relations, their home and family life.

Characterizing with passion, intimacy, this stage is very important due to its nurturing of the unity between the spouses.
The matching up stage
This second stage comes at the end of the first one – sometimes gradually, sometimes at once, depending on the circumstances, which reflect on the partners separately and commonly over their mutual life.
In its core, the prior engagement of the partners with one another and their new union starts to decrease. Coming back to “real life” from other cares and responsibilities, including work, securing and furnishing the new home, birth of children, as well as due to the more detailed knowledge of one another, this stage is a rebirth of the entire picture of marriage. The realization that you are married to someone who is not perfect and even shows unwanted qualities and features may lead to discussions titled “Oh God why…”.
The stage of the milestone
About three years after the marriage the disputes between the spouses may become clear. In this stage occurs the realization that you are married to someone who has many flaws as many good values and each of the spouses returns to themselves and to re-finding their own personality, which partially may include your partner. In this stage is the obstacle of the seventh year – the milestone for the marriage for which psychologists nowadays claim may occur earlier – on the fifth or even third year. The danger of betrayal is so real as is the shattering of illusions. Conflicts and disappointments replace the previous acts of tenderness and passion.

The revaluation stage 
Late in the first decade of the marriage and often upon the entry in the second one, the partners get used to the situation and the strangeness of the other one. They begin to mature especially if they have children or good family examples (for example the family of the best man and bridesmaid).
Here starts a return to marriage and the engagement to family, partners reassess the strong and weak sides of marriage and begin to recover the marital union as at the same time the family life is increasing.
The mutual development stage
Despite the boredom, conflicts and temptations so far, the couple may find peacefulness before the second or third decade of the marriage. You seem to have a second chance for rediscovering the other one. As the children grow and there is a good career for one or both spouses is a great opportunity to focus on one another again. This is the phase which you have seen in movies – renewing the vows and the second honeymoon.
The mid-life crisis stage
Both genders can go through a psychological mid-life crises where they reach the top of their career and the marital life. They see the first half of their life and the thought of the old age coming may be so dramatic to some people that they react too strong in their ambition to keep the better, younger years. This sometimes is a reason to leave the spouse seeking a younger one.
Another problem in this stage is the syndrome of the empty nest or in other words – the separation with the children who take over their own lives.
To this may be added and other problems related to that age as the loss of parents, bad health condition, loss of job etc. All these reasons may bring out the worst in a person, which to lead to family problems – accusations, regrets, impacts… Partners who are engaged with one another may deal with this and find a way through the storm but many, unfortunately, shatter their families namely through the phase of the mid-life crises.
The satisfaction stage
After a few decades, the spouses realize – namely in this stage – that somehow they managed to stay together and that in fact they will be very happy this to continue to the end of their days. Many couples turn back and feel thankful to have a partner all that time in good and bad. For others these stage is expressed into falling in love again, realizing they have selected possibly the best partner. In this stage present is only the satisfaction and happiness to be with the person you love the most.



Leave a Comment